?

Log in

No account? Create an account
Ravenstar's Journal
 
[Most Recent Entries] [Calendar View] [Friends]

Below are the 50 most recent journal entries recorded in Ravenstar's LiveJournal:

[ << Previous 50 ]
Thursday, September 18th, 2014
10:58 am

(Kick it)

Thursday, September 11th, 2014
9:59 am

(Kick it)

Wednesday, September 10th, 2014
5:11 pm

(3 Comments |Kick it)

Tuesday, September 27th, 2011
11:56 am

(Kick it)

Wednesday, July 6th, 2011
7:00 pm

(Kick it)

Wednesday, June 29th, 2011
7:35 pm

(1 Comment |Kick it)

Tuesday, June 28th, 2011
2:42 pm

(Kick it)

Friday, June 24th, 2011
3:04 pm

(Kick it)

Wednesday, June 15th, 2011
7:42 pm
Just a moment in time
Long night at work. No work to work on, and my head is skipping around too much for me to get anything else done. Things are going along well for the most part. I'm getting stuff done and have avoided any major problems lately. I'm still gainfully employed. I'm not getting enough sleep, but meh, I'll sleep later.

I've been missing N.Y.C. a lot lately. Weird singular moments where I'll think something like "Oh man I should totally go the cake shop later" or "It's such a nice day I should go down to Prospect park for a bit" and then I realize I don't live there anymore, and I get sad for a minute. Those moments pass as quickly as they come, though. As much as I loved N.Y.C., Rochester is my home. And if I can't go to the cake shop, I can always go to Boulder.

(Kick it)

Wednesday, June 1st, 2011
7:25 pm

(Kick it)

Thursday, May 19th, 2011
12:28 pm

(Kick it)

Friday, May 13th, 2011
9:38 am

(1 Comment |Kick it)

Thursday, May 12th, 2011
9:54 am

(3 Comments |Kick it)

Tuesday, April 12th, 2011
2:10 pm
I'm putting this out there
[Unknown LJ tag]
And honestly I don't know why I'm doing it, other than I feel a need to be heard. I don't know if I can make myself understood, I don't know if I can express what's in my head, but I'm finding that need again to try.

Maybe it's being back at the Dojo. Maybe it's moving back to Rochester. Maybe it's little old habits creeping back into my life. I don't know. I just know that my head is full and I need someplace to put everything again.

I'm bouncing all these thoughts around in my head, and none of them are flowing in nice strait logical lines. I'm thinking about karate, and my practice. I need to ask a question of someone who I haven't spoken to in years. Someone who, it was pointed out to me, I no longer know. I need that mentor figure again to sit with me and help me reason it all out, to help me wrestle these half formed ideas and assumptions and fears into something logical and manageable.

I feel vaguely like I'm getting ahead of myself, like I'm trying to run before I walk. Yet I have this restlessness in me. This feeling like I need more, to learn faster. I'm frustrated with my slow progress, with how clumsy I still am, how weak. I feel frustrated with what I'm learning, and I'm having trouble focusing on what I need to focus on.

This is nothing new. It's hard walking a path when you're holding yourself up to someone else's standards. I just have a hard time letting go of my desire to compete. To compete not with myself but with everyone I want to be proud of me. It's hard not to try to run to keep up with everyone else.

I want to ask for help, for guidance, but I can't. My own shame and pride and stupidity stops my tongue every time.

(4 Comments |Kick it)

Thursday, July 29th, 2010
3:35 pm

(Kick it)

Thursday, July 15th, 2010
11:55 pm

(Kick it)

Wednesday, July 14th, 2010
11:55 pm

(Kick it)

Tuesday, July 13th, 2010
11:55 pm

(Kick it)

Monday, July 12th, 2010
11:55 pm

(Kick it)

Thursday, July 8th, 2010
11:55 pm

(Kick it)

Wednesday, July 7th, 2010
11:55 pm

(Kick it)

Tuesday, July 6th, 2010
11:55 pm

(Kick it)

Sunday, July 4th, 2010
11:55 pm

(Kick it)

Friday, July 2nd, 2010
11:55 pm

(Kick it)

Thursday, July 1st, 2010
11:55 pm

(Kick it)

Wednesday, June 30th, 2010
11:55 pm

(Kick it)

Tuesday, June 29th, 2010
11:56 pm

(Kick it)

Monday, June 28th, 2010
11:55 pm

(Kick it)

Friday, June 25th, 2010
11:55 pm

(Kick it)

Thursday, June 24th, 2010
11:55 pm

(Kick it)

Wednesday, June 23rd, 2010
11:55 pm

(Kick it)

Tuesday, June 22nd, 2010
11:55 pm

(Kick it)

Monday, June 21st, 2010
11:55 pm

(Kick it)

Saturday, June 19th, 2010
11:55 pm

(Kick it)

Friday, June 18th, 2010
11:55 pm

(Kick it)

Thursday, June 17th, 2010
11:57 pm

(Kick it)

Wednesday, June 16th, 2010
11:55 pm

(Kick it)

Tuesday, June 15th, 2010
2:05 am

(Kick it)

Saturday, June 12th, 2010
11:55 pm

(Kick it)

Friday, June 11th, 2010
11:55 pm

(Kick it)

Thursday, June 10th, 2010
11:55 pm

(Kick it)

Wednesday, June 9th, 2010
11:55 pm

(Kick it)

Tuesday, June 8th, 2010
11:55 pm

(Kick it)

Monday, June 7th, 2010
11:55 pm

(Kick it)

Friday, June 4th, 2010
11:55 pm

(Kick it)

Thursday, June 3rd, 2010
11:55 pm

(Kick it)

Wednesday, June 2nd, 2010
11:55 pm

(Kick it)

Tuesday, June 1st, 2010
11:55 pm

(Kick it)

Friday, May 28th, 2010
11:55 pm

(Kick it)

Thursday, May 27th, 2010
11:55 pm

(Kick it)

[ << Previous 50 ]
Ravenstar's Glade   About LiveJournal.com